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From:   Randy Lecher                                                                                                                                     Next   Previous
To:   Cassandra
Subject:  FW: More stuff
Date:   28 Jan 2004 9:07pm
 
 
This is Ana's reply to me.
 
-----Original Message-----
From: Anabelle Cooper
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2004 4:10 AM
To: Randy Lecher
Subject: RE: More stuff
 
 
Dear Randy,
 
I'm glad to see that your writer's block has passed ;) ;)
 
Thank you for all of your thoughtfulness, and for sharing.  And, never
worry about being overly analytical.  Not with me, anyway (I am the girl whose
name gets spell-checked to 'analyze', and who made herself a t-shirt
that reads "there are no simple things").
 
Yes.  I think I have gotten to know you fairly well over the years.
Most of my note taking in class consisted of direct quotations, and I do have a
keen ability to read beyond words, if not the ability to act upon that
reading. Not completely, anyway, not then.  Although there was one time for
certain in your office, upon entering, I thought I might just kiss you, in any
sense, metaphorically or tangibly, before leaving.  I was there to talk
about a field school, ostensibly, anything, really, and you had many
insights to share, but, I realized then that, indeed, I knew you much
better than, through my few papers, you had come to know me.
 
But you seemed to sense our disconnect then, when I tensed up and
squirmed to hear you speak of how "field school's not for everyone" and "it's
much harder than most students expect" or something equally incognizant of my
strength, endurance, outdoor experience, acceptance of dirt....As though
you were speaking to someone else.
 
I remember giving away some emotion of misunderstanding through my foot.
 
You broke a silent moment of searching eye-contact to read my twisting
foot, and then I took notice of my discomfort.  I was wearing my addidas....
 
I don't know what happened next, but probably I went to class.  Maybe it
was that time before Lancet’s when I didn't find him and was sitting out in
the hallway when you walked by and I had to send you an e-mail to explain
that when I had run out of your office "for class" just before you saw me
sitting in the hall not in class (I almost remember my exact words to you) that
I hadn't been anything but honest, and that Lancet was a goof.
 
You wrote back in agreement, and suggested that I not show fear.  And
you were very kind.  And light and funny.  And I loved you then.
 
As I did from day one, in that kind of sympathetic and kindred sense
that I've never felt wrong about since.
 
I had already decided on an Art major by then (because in a reluctant
return to college, I knew, at least, that in Art I wouldn't be expected to
regurgitate the past, as in so many other disciplines, and that there I
could be genuine creative and maybe stay in school for it) but needed a
science, and was nearly lost to physics before signing up for Evolutionary Biology and
hearing you say, straight away, "there's some part of your brain just
waiting to be filled up with physics."
 
By the end of that class, I felt certain, having heard myself through
and through in you, that that was just it.  My interest in physics was but a
brain crave.  I had been struggling, anyway, with the fact of having no
means of developing a "weapon of peace" therein, as I so wanted, and I
feared terribly that any innocent work there could be used to the
contrary.  And I felt certain that such a life would be cold and lonely.
 
Not that I couldn't handle lonely.  Sometimes I thrive on it.  But, if
I've ever felt a "calling', from within but definitely triggered by who you
were to me then, it was into this more young and fresh and developing
science.  I recognized myself in your presence and have only grown more comfortable
in my skin since then.
 
Did you know you could have such an effect form the pulpit?  Amen.
 
So. From all of this, you might see that I do, indeed take comfort in
being in your heart.  I am relaxed and comfortable there, especially after all
of your efforts to describe what that means.
 
As you might suspect, since Saturday at least, my own heart is apt to
function in a like way.
 
I'd write more abstractly about my feelings if you'd like, but need the
help of a relationship book or two for that.  Demonstration is my best
explanation, experience my best study.
 
I am thrilled to hear that you are feeling so well, and are able to
enjoy those around you, and to lend your joy to them.  On Sunday night, I met
my director from the recent album (he was back from LA for one day with the
dentist), and he gave me a remixed soundtrack.  I scanned the insert for you,
and am trying to send it.  If it gets there, you should be able to pick me out in a
couple of frames!
 
OK.
 
You must tell me on what day you were born.  May 6th?  June 5th?
January 28th?  November 13th?  December 1st?  February 20th?  October 15th?
 
Til next time,
yours,
Anabelle